Avian Municipal District

The Municipal Coo

Tuesday, September 1, 2026 Online Edition · Published Tuesdays Est. unrecorded

Migration Season Nears; the Recently Divorced Confront the Question of Routes

With the first cold mornings, the district's migratory residents have begun planning the flight south — a matter of logistics most years, and this year, for several recently separated pairs, a negotiation.

The dispute is over routes. Birds who once flew together now file two plans, and the good route — the warm coast, the reliable stopovers — cannot, by long custom, be shared by birds no longer speaking. One male has announced he will take the inland route "for the challenge." Residents note the inland route offers no challenge. It is merely colder, and alone.

The Clerk's Office has been asked to mediate three route disputes and declined all three, noting that it holds no jurisdiction over the sky, and that the birds will resolve it the way they resolve everything: badly, and in the air.


Avian Municipal Nest Court — Branch Division

New Filing — AMNC-2026-024A

A petition asks the Court to decide which of two separated parties keeps the nest through the winter — the petitioner intending to migrate, the respondent intending to stay. The petitioner argues a nest should be held for the one who returns; the respondent, that a nest is for the one who is in it.

The Court has set a hearing and asked each party to define "home," in writing, in under fifty words. Clerk: T. Nuthatch.


FOR SALE: one board game, two-player

We stopped mid-game and never settled who was ahead. I am selling it with the score pad included. I was ahead.

Box 26-B, c/o this publication.

FEMALE, WARBLER, 37

I have a great deal to say and have been told, by one bird in particular, that I say it. I have chosen to take that as confirmed rather than corrected. Seeking someone who listens the way one listens to the radio, and not the news.

Reply to: Box 37-W.

Karen Hawk

Attorney at Law · Rapid Descents · Clean Separations

Specializing in contested nest divisions, emergency no-perch orders, and situations where he says it was "just drinks." Eighteen years of family law experience. Exposed to every version of "it's not what it looks like." Still not impressed.

"She got me the branch, the eggs, and an apology I could use in future proceedings." — former client

Free consultation · Evening and weekend appointments

I do not do couples counseling. That ship has sailed, sunk, and been entered into evidence.


Letters to the Editor

Letters may be edited for length and clarity. Views expressed are the author's.
Dear Editor,

I am not flying south this year. I have the excuses ready — the wind, the wing, the cost of the stopovers. The truth is the route was only ever somewhere because she was at the end of it. Without her it is distance.

I will stay. I will keep the feeder full. I will be here when the others come back.

— Dennis