Perch Usage Meeting Disrupted by Attendee Who Arrived With Ex-Wife

Around the District

Perch Usage Meeting Disrupted by Attendee Who Arrived With Ex-Wife

Municipal Oak Community Hall · District Desk

The community meeting on post-separation perch usage, held Tuesday evening at the Municipal Oak Community Hall, ended thirty-five minutes early after an attendee arrived accompanied by his ex-wife, whom he described as "here to corroborate my version of the perch history."

The meeting, attended by approximately fourteen birds, had proceeded through opening remarks and one proposal — a fifty-wingspan buffer zone for recently separated parties at public rest sites — before the disruption.

Witnesses described the exchange that followed as "specific," "loud," and "clearly not about perches." One attendee reported that the phrase "this is exactly what you did with the spice rack" was used, though its relevance to public perch policy was not established.

The meeting organizer has announced that a second meeting will be scheduled "when the community demonstrates readiness," which she estimated at "not soon."

Court Notices

Avian Municipal Nest Court — Branch Division

Compliance Check — AMNC-2026-011A

Municipal District v. Conrad. The Court has received a report from the Clerk's office indicating that the Respondent has been observed singing at 6:31 AM, 6:33 AM, and 6:29 AM on three separate mornings. The 6:29 AM instance represents a potential violation of the quiet hours restriction (6:30 AM threshold).

The Respondent has been advised that the Court recognizes the concept of a clock and recommends the Respondent acquire one.

Classified

FOR SALE: Spice rack, wall-mounted

Mentioned at a public meeting. Now available. Eight compartments, cedar, previously organized alphabetically by someone who no longer lives in the household and no longer has opinions about cumin placement.

Seller notes this is the second time the spice rack has been publicly discussed and would prefer it to be the last.

Asking: less than it's worth, more than he deserves.

Box 022, c/o this publication.

Personal

MALE, STARLING, 45

I sit on a bench most evenings. I have recently been described in a newspaper and in a letter to the editor by someone who sits near me. I did not ask for either. I am not seeking attention. I am not seeking company. I am apparently receiving both.

I am not looking for a relationship. I am looking for someone who understands that "not looking" is not the same as "not open." It is closer to "not performing."

If you recognize the difference, you will know where to find me. I am there most evenings. I am the one who is not the pigeon.

Reply to: not necessary. The bench is the reply.

Karen Hawk

Attorney at Law · Rapid Descents · Clean Separations

Specializing in contested nest divisions, emergency no-perch orders, and situations where he says it was "just drinks." Eighteen years of family law experience. Exposed to every version of "it's not what it looks like." Still not impressed.

"She got me the branch, the eggs, and an apology I could use in future proceedings." — former client

Free consultation · Evening and weekend appointments

I do not do couples counseling. That ship has sailed, sunk, and been entered into evidence.

Letters

Letters to the Editor

Letters may be edited for length and clarity. Views expressed are the author's.

Dear Editor,

I was at the perch meeting. I came because I use the telephone wire above the parking lot every afternoon and my ex-husband has started using it too, and I wanted to know if there was a policy.

There was not a policy. There was an argument. I left early.

On the way home I passed the bench at the south end of the park. The pigeon was there. The starling was there. They were not speaking. They were not looking at each other. They were just there, at the same time, in the same direction.

I stood on the path for a while. I don't know how long. I was thinking about the wire and whether the wire was ever really about the wire.

— Name withheld