The Municipal Coo — April 7, 2026

Around the District

Noise Complaint Filed Against Morning Singer; Singer Files Counter-Complaint

Municipal Oak · District Desk

The unidentified male bird previously reported for singing at 4:45 AM near the south end of Municipal Park has filed a counter-complaint against the resident who complained about him in a recent letter to this publication.

The original complaint, submitted by R. Nuthatch of Municipal Oak, described the singing as disruptive, therapeutic in nature, and "performed for an audience of one ex-wife." The singer, who has now identified himself as Conrad, disputes this characterization. In his counter-filing he states that the singing is "artistic expression" and that R. Nuthatch's letter constituted "public shaming of a bird in recovery."

R. Nuthatch has responded by stating that recovery "does not require an amplifier."

The matter has been referred to the Clerk's office. The Clerk's office has indicated it will address the filing "in due course," which historically means when the Clerk feels like it.

Court Notices

Avian Municipal Nest Court — Branch Division

New Filing — AMNC-2026-011A

Municipal District v. Conrad (species: Mockingbird). Noise/nuisance. Filed by the Clerk's office on behalf of three residents of Municipal Oak and one resident of Sycamore Lane who submitted a joint petition describing the Respondent's pre-dawn vocal performances as "emotionally specific and therefore worse than random noise." Hearing to be scheduled.

Clerk: T. Nuthatch. The Clerk notes for the record that he lives on Municipal Oak and has recused himself from commentary but not from filing.

Classified

WANTED: One (1) zip tie

Must be load-bearing. Color immaterial. Previous ownership acceptable if provenance is not contested. Needed for nest repair following structural reassessment.

Buyer is aware that zip ties are available at hardware stores. Buyer does not wish to visit the hardware store because the hardware store is next to the branch where her ex-husband now conducts what he calls "consulting." Buyer will pay above market rate for delivery.

Box 014, c/o this publication. Discretion appreciated.

Personal

MALE, OWL, 61

Judicial temperament. Patient within reason. Reason is a finite municipal resource. Looking for companionship that does not require me to explain what I meant by what I said. I said what I said.

Evenings only. I am not available during business hours and I am not available to discuss why. Interested parties should be comfortable with silence, low lighting, and the occasional professional frustration brought home in the form of a stare.

No doves. I cannot do another dove.

Reply to: Box 61-O. Correspondence only. Do not approach the bench.

Karen Hawk

Attorney at Law · Rapid Descents · Clean Separations

Specializing in contested nest divisions, emergency no-perch orders, and situations where he says it was "just drinks." Eighteen years of family law experience. Exposed to every version of "it's not what it looks like." Still not impressed.

"She got me the branch, the eggs, and an apology I could use in future proceedings." — former client

Free consultation · Evening and weekend appointments

I do not do couples counseling. That ship has sailed, sunk, and been entered into evidence.

Letters

Letters to the Editor

Letters may be edited for length and clarity. Views expressed are the author's.

Dear Editor,

My wife and I used to read The Municipal Coo together on Sunday mornings. She would read the classifieds out loud in a voice she thought was funny. I would pretend to be annoyed. This was the best part of the week for six years.

She moved to the coast in February. I still get the paper. I don't read the classifieds out loud because it isn't funny when you do it alone.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this. Maybe because the classifieds section looked smaller this week and I wanted someone else to notice.

— Arthur P., Sycamore Lane

Editor's note: The classifieds section has not changed in size.