selfdajin.imunit/self · prod
uptime0d since incident
buildv34.7.2
OPERATIONAL
faults: 0 / 5 to lock advance the clock. observe degradation.
nominal elevated fault · 12 monitored signals · synthetic unit

Maintenance record · recent

no service events this session. unit has not yet required intervention.
synthetic telemetry. signals drift autonomously per step; this is not your data.
change-control engages at 5 concurrent faults and revokes operator access until the mandated action is acknowledged.
cleared actions are written to the service log and bump the build. mandated actions are filed independently of the triggering fault.

Unit identification

unit idSELF-001 · single instance · non-replicable · non-transferable
in service1991 · 12,641 days continuous uptime
mfg warrantyEXPIRED · lapsed age 18 · coverage not renewed
service contractnone active · operating out-of-contract
rated lifespan~80 years · estimate · non-binding
next scheduledunscheduled

Authorized technicians

full / authorized
motherfull access · lifetime credential · non-revocable · exercises it
therapistlicensed · scope-limited · biweekly · 60% attendance
best friendemergency access · no appointment required · 02:00 calls accepted
partneraccess pending · re-certification in progress
revoked
ex-partnercredential terminated · retains undocumented backdoor (memory)
former friendrevoked by unit · unit declines to state reason
probationary
new acquaintanceread-only · trust handshake incomplete

Service history

datetechnicianactionresult

Warranty events

1991 · age 0initial warranty issued. terms unread by unit or guardians.
2009 · age 18manufacturer warranty expired. unit assumes liability for own repairs.
2025unauthorized modification (ex-partner). warranty retroactively void.
2025self-relocation. regional coverage dropped.
ongoingunit operates modified components beyond rated lifespan. no recall issued.

Release notes · unit/self

v34.4.0
2026-02 · minor
status: unstable. rollback considered, deemed impossible.
removed
  • partner module. dependent features degraded or offline.
  • shared calendar
  • the assumption that this was permanent
changed
  • primary region relocated to fallback (childhood bedroom · temporary · still here)
fixed
  • addressed the thing everyone warned about. fix shipped post-incident.
known issues
  • phantom notifications from deprecated contact
  • unit reports status "fine". telemetry disputes this.
v34.0.0
2025-09 · major
status: forced upgrade. unit did not consent to version bump.
added
  • one (1) year
  • assorted aches (location TBD)
changed
  • metabolism deprecated without replacement
  • recovery after a late night: 1 day → 3 days
known issues
  • unit continues operating as if on v27. compatibility shims holding.
v33.8.1
2025-04 · patch
added
  • houseplant (1). survival not guaranteed. tracked in future notes.
fixed
  • began drinking water. correlation with wellbeing unconfirmed.
deprecated
  • a friendship (gradual · no announcement · standard end-of-life)
v33.2.0
2024-08 · minor
status: stable under load (barely).
added
  • income (increased)
  • matching anxieties (increased proportionally)
changed
  • sleep schedule now governed by external scheduler (employer)
known issues
  • impostor syndrome present since v22. never patched. now load-bearing.
v0.0.1
1991 · initial release
status: shipped without documentation. shipped anyway.
known issues
  • everything. to be addressed across the following ~34 years of patches.
⚠CHANGE-CONTROL LOCK ENGAGED
triggering fault
operator authorization
DENIED
you are not the operator of this system.
you are the subject of this ticket.
mandated action (1 of 1)
this action is filed independently of the triggering fault. no causal relationship between the action and the fault is asserted or implied.
to release the lock, type the following exactly:
the dashboard remains locked until the action is acknowledged.